Th word ‘conversation’ seems to be cropping up all over today. I revised this site so I would have a place to have a new conversation with myself, with the inner realms, with the parts of me that need expression but don’t have a place to be heard.
There is this inner conversation which is private, and then the conversation with the outer world.
I feel like there is so much to say and then nothing at all. Polarities.
Somewhere in between lies my path.
Today I want to have a conversation with that part of me that died a long time ago. Did she die, or just wither away to nothing? Or was she ever even born?
Is this the missing part I’ve been searching for all these years? I invite you into my private room. Come have a chat with me and let’s see what we find.
Deep sadness arises. And then tears.
Yes, of course she is a little girl who does not want to come out of safety.
The chair is too big for her to get up on by herself. Too big for her to feel at ease.
But she is willing to talk. So the chair shrinks down to accommodate her exact size.
As she settles in, she fidgets, checking out the entirety of the situation.
She is not at all comfortable being the center of attention. That’s putting it mildly. Let’s get this over with, she indicates.
It’s not like she’s on trial although it may appear to be so. There are questions that need answers. Now. But where to begin?
You’re stalling, I think to myself.
Yes, I am. I’ve been here so many times before and have gotten nowhere. I don’t want to face the possibility that this may be the same. But I know the answers are here, in my body, with this part of myself who needs to be heard. As the atmosphere does not feel conducive to the occasion, I’m going to invite her into a playroom. Better for both of us to relax and communicate rather than a stiff grown-up chair in nothing but space.