Process

Many weeks ago, I wrote about preparing my panels and what a great discovery I’d made in the process. That experience completely energized me. I was so excited to be painting again.

So excited that I looked at all those small panels and thought, no WAY those itty bitty things can hold all the expression I’m feeling. I want to paint with big ~ sweeping ~ gestures, using the whole of my body, on a much bigger canvas.

But I’d already put time, effort and energy into these little guys. For days, I argued with myself…But I already…But I want to…Finally I went out and got the larger canvas.

Then life got away from me. More weeks went by. So many OTHER things to do. Big canvas, big gestures, big exposure. Did I really want that? To be seen that large? Wouldn’t I rather stay tiny and small? You’d have to walk up to the little panels to really see what was going on. Much safer than such a large canvas calling out to people from afar. More inner arguing occurred. But the need to express in big gestures won out. Even if no one ever saw it, I needed to experience it, release and let go.

Standing in front of a blank canvas after days of staring at it and years of not painting, I suddenly felt anger well up within me. I’d imagined this moment many times. What would I paint? What colors would I choose? What form would they take? And many times, what I saw in my mind’s eye were the bold red slashes of a knife cutting through the canvas. Repeatedly. Accompanying those slashes were years of stored anger. Where had I gone so off track? Why had I stopped painting? Why did I abandon my creative self?

The anger kept coming and coming. So I stood squarely in front of the canvas and let the slashes come out. Lunging into the canvas with each slash, feeling the full force of emotion, using the whole of my body. My big expression was full of anger!

Taking a step back, I surveyed my progress. With one grand release, I felt SO MUCH BETTER! A huge sigh of relief rushed through me. I was back! Back to standing in the truth of who I really am. And back to letting my creative spirit have a voice. She’d been shut out of my life for far too long. And that created not only anger but also sadness and a total lack of energy for life. No wonder I always felt depleted. I was missing my best half!

If you suffer from bouts of anger, sadness or depression, I encourage you to find some sort of creative outlet and let yourself experience the freedom of your own bold red slashes. Better to be expressed through paint, drawing or writing then aimed towards someone you care about.

The eight panels that I ordered have arrived and are in need of gesso. Normally I work on canvas but the last several paintings I did were on panels. I found that I enjoyed working on the smooth surface. So I thought I’d begin again with panels.

Gessoing is not my favorite thing. Though I am particular about the surface, and do put in the time applying the many coats of gesso and then sanding each one down, I find the process laborious.

Out of curiosity, I decided to search online to see if I might find anything new on the subject. I am continually amazed at the incredible amount of information available at our fingertips. So I should not have been surprised to come across an incredible discovery: a new way to gesso. Okay so apparently it is not entirely new, the article was published in 2004. But it was new to me. And it was a JOY to discover.

In an article entitled: Creating the Perfect Ultra-Smooth Canvas for Airbrush, A.D. Cook describes his process. Basically, he uses a squeegee to apply the gesso to the canvas. He applies many thin layers and does NOT sand between layers. This is a key time-saver.

But the really unique discovery was that he uses a wet-sand technique, wetting the sandpaper to achieve a glass-like surface. When I tried this, I was overjoyed with the process and the result. Not only is the process simpler but the surface is exquisite. At least for my purposes.

What a thrill to discover that a process as traditional as gessoing a canvas can be updated not only with modern materials but also with some creative thinking and a willingness to experiment. It got me to thinking about how many things we do automatically. Is it only the innovator or creative that questions the norm? And how would daily life be different if, from time-to-time, we took a look at where we could experience the joy of bringing something new to something old.